Get stuck in

23rd January 2022

For those of you who have been on tenterhooks since last week wondering whether or not Stephen became stranded in Porto Sant’Elpidio on Monday you can relax; he didn’t. In fact, the Freeclimber did sterling service, not only taking him to the ladies’ factory in the morning, but also more locally to the Carellis and back in the afternoon, and has continued to behave itself for the rest of the week.

That’s more than can be said for the truck that got stuck in the road on Tuesday, which, for once, had nothing to do with us but which did follow a now familiar pattern. Picture the scene…

We set off for our Tuesday morning shop as usual, but had to stop at the top of the hill as a transit van, belonging, according to its logo, to COGEPA (a firm which deals with all matters relating to the transmission of communications and power, if I understood their site correctly), parked just below Mario and Luigi’s by the access to the field that runs to the left of our house. We were wondering what to do when a man walked from behind it, whom I couldn’t see very clearly (see previous on cataracts), but at whose appearance Stephen leapt from the car to have a word with him. I will leave you to decide for yourself what could have prompted such hasty action on his part, I can’t possibly comment.

After a couple of minutes of chatting, and Stephen profusely thanking him and saying he shouldn’t go to any trouble, the handsome, bearded young man reversed the van up the lane and round to corner to park on the road. Stephen meanwhile returned to the car and filled me in on what he had found out, namely that they were doing some work on an electricity pylon at the far side of the field which was gradually collapsing into a hole in the ground beneath it.

When we returned about an hour later, the van was still parked on the road but a lorry had replaced its previous task of blocking the way to LCDDB. We got out of the car and Stephen trudged across the field, caking his shoes in mud in the process, and all to no avail for as he got about halfway he met a small excavator making its way back, though not the original engineer but two new entries to the chart, let’s call them 2 and 3.

Back at the lorry, we decided that rather than have them move it and slow them down, I would take the few bits of shopping that needed to go in the freezer on foot and Stephen would drive to the factory, it being so cold that the rest of the shopping would be ok till he came home at lunchtime. This though, didn’t happen, as Engineer 2 said that they would only be about another ten minutes so Stephen decided to hang around and go to the factory in the afternoon – a decision, I am sure, that had no relation to Engineer 1 making a reappearance and flashing his diamond studded ears.

As is the case with the best laid plans, these went agley when Luigi hove into view on his tractor, wanting to hang a left into their field. He, unlike Stephen, didn’t want to wait and suggested that Engineer 2 reverse the lorry a little to clear the opening. This was only partially successful, for while the vehicle did open up the space, it also reversed at an angle into the muddy ditch where it stuck. Well accustomed to such situations, Luigi fixed a cable to the lorry to try to cajole it forward, but only after Stephen had helped him unload all the wood off the back of the tractor. The problem this time was that the weight of the lorry, driven by Engineer 3 who was prone to swearing profusely in Neapolitan dialect, was too much for the tractor, even with Engineer 1 trying to push it from behind with the excavator arm, which had about as much effect as Beau Brummel wafting a foppish handkerchief at it.

As the lorry was going nowhere fast, the engineers decided to call it a day and leave it to a rescue team to come and collect it. They went off in the van while Stephen parked up the Panda and called me to meet him at the top of the road – not so much to help carry the shopping back as to offer him a steady arm, the shoes he had donned for Conad not being conducive to the precipitous terrain of Contrada Forone. We then had to make contingency plans for the afternoon, as I had a lesson and Stephen a dental appointment, which were basically that Stephen would walk up to the Panda to go to Claudia and I would walk up to Samuele’s flat for the lesson with Diego and Andrea.

Before this, though, I took Bella and Harry up to the top for their post-lunch constitutional and ran into someone who had been sent to see to the lorry. I wasn’t sure how effective he was going to be, seeing as he was driving an old red runaround that appeared to have seen much better days. Fortunately, however, after a couple of minutes chat another man appeared walking down the road, and the two went into a confab and I left them to it with fingers crossed. This must have worked as when Stephen walked up later to either drive off in the Panda or drive back in it, he did the latter and swapped into the Freeclimber.

This left the Panda for me to head to the lesson, which is just as well as towards the end Samuele came in, fresh from seeing to his hens, and presented me with a bowl of 11 eggs, some brown, some white and one an amazing pistachio colour. This, he explained, was from a Spanish hen, before going on to say that the white ones were for sweet things and the brown for eating. He didn’t stipulate a use for the green one; presumably that was just for show.

As for the lesson, this was only the second after the post-Christmas restart as Diego had to isolate starting last Thursday as, being the nice boy he is, he had stopped off for five minutes to say hello to his grandma, only to find out later that she had tested positive. As the only member of the family to be in contact he had to spend five days in his bedroom, watching TV series and looking at his ‘phone, he said. I was a little surprised, then, to receive a message from him on Wednesday to say that he had to cancel the Thursday lesson again as he had been to the gym for boxing training the previous afternoon (luckily for me, after the lesson) and had been told that his sparring partner had tested positive. It was back to his bedroom for another five days – which is really taking “Go to your room” to a ridiculous degree.

Wednesday also witnessed a new world record as far as post to LCDDB is concerned.

Back in early November, when I had finally managed to change my bank account, I filled in a form and sent it off to NS&I informing them of this so they could update my Premium Bonds holding, as well as one asking for a new password as I had, as is the way with these things, managed to block myself online when I tried to do it myself. As you can see, it had been some time since the forms were sent, and while I left it over the Christmas period, I was bracing myself for a long distance call. I was saved from this as when I opened up the mailbox on Wednesday afternoon on my way back from a lesson, there was, at long last, a reply. That is the good news.

The bad news is that when I read the letter, it said that they had been unable to complete my request as they did not have my current (?) signature on record and had enclosed a form for me to complete in the presence of a witness. Oh, it was also dated 18th November, which means it had taken two calendar months and one day to arrive – by airmail. Poste Italiane, you excelled yourself. Needless to say, I lost little time signing the form and having it witnessed by Nazareno, being a responsible houseowner. It was in the post by Friday morning, so working on that basis I expect to hear back sometime around Whitsun.

January having become the month when things don’t work, one should have expected that before we got to MSP for our Friday morning errands, there was bound to be a slight blip when my mobile refused to charge. It has been gradually becoming more and more temperamental due to it being a bit long in the tooth in ‘phone terms and after months of having to jiggle the charger about to make a connection in the portal, it was now so loose that no amount of cajoling or dropping it heavily on the counter to jolt it into position had any effect. Stephen did have the idea that maybe if we borrowed bff Manuel’s charger, the sort that only needs you to lay the phone on it, we might breathe some life into the old dog. There were, though, two drawbacks to this: my phone is probably too to access this feature and Manuel, when Stephen called, discovered that he had left the charger in a hotel in Serbia.

After holding back for all this time from outlaying the expense, being finally phoneless meant I had to dip into my savings. You won’t be surprised to learn that we ordered the new (or rather, almost new as I went for a reconditioned one, which I would like to say was prompted by concern for the environment but really it was more a concern for my pocket) iPhone from Amazon as it would be delivered the next day. That should really have read, attempted to be delivered the next day, for you also won’t be surprised to learn that despite the family being at home at the Carellis, the delivery address, I received an email early evening saying that there had been a problem and they would try again – presumably on Monday. At least they didn’t leave it in the middle of the road, which has happened in the past.

The weekend did have several bright spots, though, and not just the cake I made yesterday, the first in almost a year, with Samuele’s eggs – just don’t tell the doctor. We were also out and about two night’s running. The first was on Friday when we were invited to Marco and Maddalena’s for pizza, and then yesterday we met up with Computer Luca for the first time since we visited Claudia’s new house.

When Stephen was making arrangements with him, Luca suggested we go to the pub as he had a hankering for a hamburger. That seemed ok with us, though I did say to Stephen what if the pub was closed, as judging by its Instagram account it seems to be a bit selective in its opening at the moment. “Then we’ll go somewhere else,” he said. That is why the three of us were standing in Sigma carpark at 7.30 yesterday evening, deciding where to go to eat as the pub was indeed closed.

Still on the hunt for a hamburger, Luca suggested Temple, which neither of us knew, but which was only 27 minutes away if you pass through Corridonia, hang a left and then a right and keep going. Temple turned out to be above a casino (Golden Slots, if you’re interested) and next to the main road, and looked from the outside less than inspiring – a feeling that continued when we went in a large dining area that had been modelled on Cheers sometime in the 1990’s and untouched by human hands since then. It did, though, once again confirm that in Italy you cannot judge the quality of the food on the way a place looks as the Angus beef hamburger was wonderful – but we should have known that Luca would not risk his stomach on anything substandard.

It was while we were dining that Luca, after one of his frequent checks of his phone, told us the distressing news that Silvio Berlusconi had withdrawn as a possible runner in the imminent presidential election in the Italian parliament. One can only lament what would have been the glorious finale to a glittering career in media, politics and scandalous parties, not to mention his services to jet black hair dye. His absence from the ballot has deprived the Western world of the wonderful hattrick of Trump, Johnson and Berlusconi. Just think what those three could have achieved in a tripartite coalition… and count your blessings.