Lasciate ogne speranza voi ch'intrate

22nd October 2023

It would have been good to say that the most noteworthy event at the beginning of the week was the onset of a brief period of more seasonal weather when Monday was both cooler and cloudier. That would, however, have been to underestimate the power of our means of exiting from LCDDB, which for want of a better word we will call a road, when it finally defeated a four-wheel drive, unfortunately with me in the driving seat.

It all happened on Tuesday evening when I set off on my taxi run to collect young Sami on his first lesson back after the summer break (yes, now we are heading towards the dark evenings, people’s thoughts are turning to learning English). His start was somewhat delayed, however, for about halfway up, when I hit the most critical part, the Jeep came to a stop, and whilst the wheels continued to move the car refused to. I tried for a few moments in the hope it might gain traction, but when I started to get a whiff of hot rubber, I thought I’d better stop.

I reversed a bit in the darkness and tried again. No luck. I reversed a bit more and tried again. No luck. I reversed a bit more and was somewhat disconcerted to find the side of the car brushing against bushes and trees. This was when Stephen appeared, having twigged to my predicament, trying his best not to come a cropper as the shoes he was wearing lacked any sort of tread. I tried again to reverse, hauling the steering wheel to direct the car back onto the road. No luck, and it was obvious the only place I was going if I continued was down the banking and into the field.

What we think must have happened is that when I lost traction and tried to get moving again, the car slid to the side where it was caught in one of the may deep crevices, so no matter how I turned the wheel it was destined to follow that particular track.

Stephen went down (very carefully) to get the Panda so he could go and collect Sami (in that silver lining sort of way, there was plenty of room for the Fiat to get past given that the Renegade was heading off road and listing towards the field) while I walked back (equally carefully) to put my teacher’s head on.

As for the car, after Stephen deposited a cheery Sami he went up to see Mario and Luigi. Obviously, it was too dark to do anything then but they said they would be down at 8 the next morning with the tractor to effect, in what is now a well-oiled routine, a rescue.

And indeed, just before 8 Stephen announced that the Mogliani brothers were rolling down the road in the tractor and he headed up to meet them, leaving me to finish my chores and take the dogs out in time for my 9 o’clock Skype lesson. This is when he discovered two things. The first was that it is not a good idea to forget to wind up the car window when you have to abandon it overnight and it is going to rain the next morning, and the second was that we were missing the tow hook to fix into the front of the car. He located the case with such necessary instruments but where it should have been was just an empty hook-shaped indentation. All was not lost, though, as Mario, who of course knows everyone, phoned a certain Claudio, a fellow Renegade owner, to ask to borrow his. That is why when I was nearing the top of the road with Bella and Harry, he sailed past in the Panda with Stephen driving, who gave me a cheery wave as he passed, because what else can you do when your life is turning into a farce?

There is not much more to say, thankfully, other than after a quick trip to the other side of the village the conquering heroes returned with this particular holy grail; it was attached; the tractor was hooked up and the Jeep, with Stephen at the wheel, made a stately ascent of the road. He turned around at the top, expressed heartfelt thanks yet again to Mario and Luigi and returned to LCCDB and parked the Renegade in front of the house, where it remained for the rest of the day. Thursday, though, it was called back into service for my taxi service. I have to say that I was a little trepidatious about venturing up the road but I took a deep breath, made sure the four-wheel lock was on and went, if not like the clappers at least with gusto, up the hill.

That our car is having trouble climbing the hill underlines, if it were actually needed, that something has to be done and it finally impelled us to make a visit to the Comune on Friday morning. We rang the bell at the makeshift counter in the entrance hall, the one that appeared during Covid and has belied its homespun appearance by still hanging around. A young woman materialised and when we told her we were there about the road she said she would get her colleague. Picture our surprise, and joy, when a minute or two later who should appear but Oreste, an ex-colleague of Stephen’s from his RemRom days - joy not only because it’s always good to catch up with old friends (and one that has infiltrated the arcane world of a Comune), but also because Oreste is someone who is conscientious and knows what he is doing.

Stephen showed him the pictures he had printed out of the beached Jeep and the state of the road, which supported by oral testimony (including when the ambulance taking Stephen to A&E couldn’t get up the hill), elicited an appropriate level of shock and concern. Oreste agreed that something needed to be done and that he would look into the matter, asking if he could photocopy the pictures. Stephen said he could keep them, and when he disappeared back into the offices at the end of our short discussion, at least we could be confident that the matter wouldn’t be instantly forgotten and the pictures dropped into the nearest bin.

As for the rest of the week, that thankfully passed without any further drama though the weather continued to keep us on our toes. Wednesday there was, for the first time this autumn, a bit of a chill to the air in LCDDB and so we switched on the central heating for half an hour or so after dinner to give a bit of a boost. It must have worked as the next day it turned warm once more and on Friday it again reached the dizzying heights of 27° - though we could have done without the strong wind that accompanied it for part of the afternoon.

Whilst the weather is refusing to conform to October norms, my lessons on the other hand have experienced their usual upsurge as the nights start to draw in. After a pleasantly sedate period since the summer, with some newcomers and some returnees, it seems that next week will be very busy, meaning both yesterday and this afternoon have been given over to lesson preparation. We did find time, though, to visit Fermo’s Fiera D’Autunno this morning, too early for the roasted chestnuts and the street entertainment, but it was nicely busy and the market itself filled the square and stretched down the street leading away from it.

There were all the usual suspects but not being in need of any more honey at the moment, nor anything with lavender in it, we settled for some pears and a triple pack of socks to make my Wellingtons snug, though at €3 I don’t think they are Polar proof. A trip to Fermo also meant we could stop at Funari for breakfast on the way there and at Maria Teresa for cannelloni on the way back because with all the brain power I’ll be expending, I need all the sustenance I can get.