True to form

2nd May 2021

As the majority of Italy celebrated a return to being yellow on Monday, Stephen marked the occasion in his own way – by a trip to the nursery the other side of Cassette D’Ete. Having erected his canes last Sunday, he wasted no time in buying the tomatoes that will hopefully climb up them. He arrived home at lunchtime with 42 tomato plants, of a variety of shapes and sizes, a smattering of courgette plants and some free basil - in anticipation of all the summer Caprese salads we won’t be able to eat unless we settle for low fat mozzarella.

He likewise wasted no time in getting them all in the ground, spending the afternoon on Monday planting them out. This was just as well, for while the start of the week held fair, what remained of April ended as disappointingly as the rest of the month had been. The upside of this is that the rainy afternoons at least gave the young shoots a good watering to bed them in. Let’s hope they are dutifully grateful and respond accordingly.

Having got all that sorted his attention was required by the question of how to get his birthday present from his sisters out of the hands of Italian customs and into his own. He’d been sent a form which, with the assistance of Marina at the factory, he set about filling in, scanning and returning. My first inkling of this was receiving a call from him on Tuesday morning, asking me to get his ID card out of his wallet (which he had somehow forgotten to take with him) and sending him a picture of it, as he needed it for the form.

This was obviously not enough, or good enough even though I had followed his instructions precisely, as when he returned at lunchtime the form had not been sent. The next day he scanned his ID card before heading to the factory to complete the form. This form was required as there was some confusion about the cost of the item (€40 which would have been just about ok or £40 which would not) and the fact the label said ‘gift set’ rather than ‘birthday present’ – the latter being patently a present destined for the receiver whereas the former might be something bought to then pass on. There was also the added complication of the label stating ‘alcohol’, which obviously triggered certain alarm bells as being something dangerously undefined.

When he returned for lunch this time, the form had been filled in but Stephen was having little success in sending it to the authorities. It keeps coming back, he said, and it did so again when he tried just before we ate. This might have had something to do with the fact that, when he checked the address, he had mistyped part of it and so he asked me to read it out as he tried for maybe the fifth time. Ever helpful and happy to be so, I did as he asked and read out the complete address. It was a light bulb moment. “Oh,” said Stephen, “I’ve not been putting that bit in” referring to a number that was part of the address. He did, the form was sent and lo and behold this time it didn’t come back. The Internet, forever a mystery.

On to more important things, for those of you who are wondering how we’re getting on with our new dietary regime, the answer is pretty well, thank you. Mind you, going by the general consensus of the average Italian, I have nothing to really worry about regarding my cholesterol – the basis for this thinking is that while the doctor and all the online charts have my reading of 182 as high, everybody else we know seems to be 200 with a bullet. “That’s not high,” is the general response, before going on to say what their level is. Take Marco, my conversation partner in Umbria, a very jolly fellow, who when I told him rocked with laughter for several minutes before revealing that his was 230. “And you have cappuccino with a double shot of coffee every morning,” I said. “Yes,” he agreed, and laughed some more. That was, though, not as constructive as the mother of bff Manuel (200), who declared the doctor to be mad and said I shouldn’t listen to her. All things considered, however, I think I will.

The latter part of the week saw our world opening up once again thanks to the yellow zone and we took advantage of being able to journey further afield, though with mixed success. On Thursday afternoon we had our first visit to Civitanova since, I think, last August. I wouldn’t get too excited though, as we headed to Lidl to do some stocking up on basics and to see what they had in way of low fat options (not a lot, being the answer). Friday saw the reinstating of lessons with Marzia and Diego over in Montegranaro, and then this afternoon we had an abortive trip to the Girasole shopping centre.

In our ignorance, we had assumed that the malls would once again be open at the weekends. If we had bothered to check online we would have seen that this wasn’t the case but the generous scattering of cars in the car suggested otherwise – until we went through the doors. Everywhere was cordoned off apart from a path that led to the supermarket, the only outlet open inside the complex. There was nothing else for it but to do a spot of impromptu food shopping, buying one or two items, including pasta that was on offer at half-price.

Half-price, that is, if you had customer loyalty card, which we hadn’t, and which we discovered at the erroneously titled self-service check out, as when we use them we need more assistance than when we go through the assistant operated tills, as shown when the one we used started beeping and flashing ‘get assistance’ on only the second item we tried to put through. The efficient lady troubleshooting the area scurried across, sorted the problem and pointed out the offer was only valid with a card. Did we have one, she asked. Not for here, replied Stephen, at which she scurried over to the man at the next till and asked if he had one. No, he said, so she went to the two women at the next one, told them to give her their card, scurried back and scanned it so we could get the discount. Imagine them doing that at Tesco. We finished the process, managed on the third attempt to use our receipt to open the automatic gates and went happily on our way - not that that was the end of our unsuccessful encounters with “intelligent” machines.

We had thought to fill up the car on our way back at the cheap garage in Torre San Patrizio, but when we pulled up there were notices stuck to all the pumps and across the paying machine saying that there was no petrol. Oh well, we thought, we can stop in MSP and put ten euro in to tide us over – and with it being Sunday we can save a few centesimi as it is only self-service therefore sidestepping the additional premium when Paolo brandishes the nozzle. Again circumstances conspired against us as the self-service screen was flashing ‘Service Off-Line’. All we had to show for our afternoon shopping expedition were two packets of pasta, some rice crackers and a down market magazine whose title I am too ashamed to share. Hardly enough to get the economy rolling but at least we had a bit of an escapade, which is more than we can say of any other Sunday in recent memory.

On the plus side, after a few rainy days, the weather changed again (ahead of the time frame predicted in the forecasts) on Friday afternoon when the skies cleared and the temperatures rose heralding in a warm and sunny start to the new month. In celebration of the 1st May holiday yesterday, Stephen resurrected the fly screen and hung it at the front door and today we have been able for the first time this year to leave it open for Bella and Harry to potter in and out – which might have been a better way for us to spend the afternoon than our fruitless first weekend excursion.